BAM! Love Yourself - Curly Hair, Don't Care

Ever since I was a child, I have idolized my mom. Whenever I went to the salon with her, I would watch in fascination as she would get her short hair permed. The wrapping of the hair, the addition of chemicals, sitting under the heater thingy as it set. It looked like all those glamorous ladies in movies of the 80's. So, sometime around third grade, I decided to get my own hair curled! I mean, it was one step closer to being the amazing woman my mom is!

The only problem is that I was in third grade and overweight, so already a target for bullying. Let's just say the perm took very well, I had amazingly tight curls, and kids LOVED making fun of me. If there was a spill on a floor, one of the boys would tease that they could just "turn me upside and use my mop hair to cleanup."  I used mousse back in the days before fancy mousse technology, so my hair was slightly crunchy. Girls would straight up touch my hair without my permission to show each other how "weird my crunchy hair is". I HATED IT! I didn't want other people touching me. I didn't want to be used as a mop! I just wanted to live with my curly hair.

But alas, after a few years, I gave into the bullying and broke down, quit perming my hair, and bought a straightener. After all, I had to keep my natural curl from coming out, even the slightest wave seemed like a risk for teasing. And if it was a risk for teasing, that meant it was ugly.  But I have very very baby fine hair. I have plenty of hair, ti's just very fine, and so my hair can only grow to about my shoulders, and it is very obviously fine when I straighten it, with almost zero body or volume. I lived for well over a decade, closer to two, feeling unhappy with my hair and constantly looking for an option to love it.

If I didn't blow dry it, my hair went up in a ponytail or bun so the natural wave wouldn't show through. My hair has some amazing natural wave, so my hair stylists always wanted to curl it and have fun. I'd let them do it, but be self-conscious of my curly hair all day, avoiding the mirror.  I had enough trouble keeping my hair straight in the desert in the summer. So I knew SOMETHING had to change when I learned I'd be moving to San Antonio, TX. While not the most humid place, San Antonio has a fair amount of moisture in the air, and any styling I attempted would be null and void around halfway through the day.

I gave in. I decided to go curly. When I moved to San Antonio, I stopped by Walgreens and bought some mousse and a blow dryer with a diffuser (SO necessary if you have fine hair and want it to be curly AND have body). It didn't take long for me to become used to my new style. In fact, I fell in love with it the first day! Besides the ease of styling, my hair fell so naturally into position around my face that it was like my hair was made to be that way!

Since making this change, I have become vainer than ever before. I love my hair. I love my looks. I love looking at myself in the mirror (though I still do have the occasional pony tail days, because life is hard sometimes). I have become the selfie QUEEN!! Don't believe me?  Here are some examples:

And these are just select selfies from my instagram, which I swore would NEVER be filled with selfies (whoops, guess self confidence fixed that).

So what's the point? For years I struggled with my hair, because I was teased in elementary school. For over a decade I avoided one of the key things that makes me feel beautiful!  What about you? What is your favorite hairstyle? Your worst? What is one thing you maybe feel inspired to go try again? Are you going to do it?! Do it! (Unless it's a mullet, rethink that, unless that's totally you, then do it!). Leave a comment below!

BAM! I am more than a physical stereotype!

With the amazing reception of my waterpark post, I was telling some of my coworkers (and friends, because my coworkers are my friends) about my blog and how excited I was at the views I was getting. I often describe my blog as a body acceptance blog, even though I do occasionally post about other things, like my life, my opinions, and my sleep habits. However, my whole life has been a rollercoaster about happiness, and while a lot of my problems have been rooted in other areas of my life, much of my disappointment, frustration, and sadness has come about from my discomfort in my own skin. As I have found amazing joy in body acceptance, it's something I want to spread to everyone.

When I mentioned that my blog is about body acceptance and my fat and fearless posts, I was surprised when a gentleman with a very fit body showed immediate excitement. I'm used to plus sized women wanting to read of my experiences, but it was the post I mentioned about the true purpose of the body acceptance movement that really got him excited. I texted him a link to my blog, and he actually read my posts! Last night he texted me. This text included the following: "I loved the part about the skinny teenage boy who can't bulk up because that was exactly my experience, and a big reason why I wanted to read it."

Now, he sent this text after I had fallen asleep, but I read it at about three in the morning on one of my nightly wakings. It got me thinking. I do the Fat and Fearless series because it's something I can relate to. I love to label myself as "the fat girl". But I want my blog to reach out to more people. This left me with a conundrum, how could I write posts to help the confidence of people that I can't relate to? How can I help the girl who is so thin, people tease her for having an eating disorder? Or the person with hair that they feel is too dark and coarse? Or even that skinny teenage boy who wanted to bulk up and couldn't? I've never been there. I've always been the fat girl.

And then it hit me, I am more than a fat girl! I mean, it's EASY to see who I am outside of physical constraints. I know that I'm a flute-playing, musicology student, animal-rights advocate (be happy I haven't gotten into THAT on my blog, because once I get started, I don't shut up.. hmm.. maybe I should add that to my blog...) who expands the title of crazy cat lady to a level previously thought impossible. But that's not going to help with body acceptance!

When I say I'm more than a fat girl, I mean it in the physical sense. Yes, I'm a plus sized woman, and yes I LOVE MY BODY, but I love so much more than the extra weight I carry around. I am pale. I don't mean this as a "white supremacy" thing. I am more pale than the average white person. People laugh at my paleness, heck, I laugh at my paleness! Once, while wearing shorts, my music minister tried to introduce my pasty white legs to the sun, since they had obviously never met in the 25 years of my life (all in fun and games, a big part of body acceptance is being able to laugh at your uniqueness).

I have big wrists, in more than the fat girl way. Tons of fat girls can still wear bracelets and such. Nope, it's all mens watches for these wrists. I have baby baby BABY fine blonde hair that I can't grow past my shoulders without it beginning to look scraggly and unkempt. It's also naturally wavy, but not a uniform wave, and bullying in the past has given me complexes about the curl in my hair that I only got over in the past two months! That's right, at the age of 25 I have FINALLY braved past bullying I received in fourth grade, over a decade ago.

I am freckly. Tons of people are, some wish they weren't. There are also tons of people who aren't, some of whom wish they were. I have two crooked fingers on my left hand. I have a hump at the base of my neck that was pointed out by a physical therapist and I still fret over. I have a scar on my forehead that I got in third grade. I bruise far too easily. I don't even have the hope of ever having a thing gap with these thunder thighs. I have "child bearing hips". My body shape goes between an hourglass and a pear depending on the day. The hairs on my toes grow too long. The right side of my face is more animated than the left giving me a crooked smile.

All of these things are uniquely me. And they're probably things that, for the most part, only I realize. And yet they're also all things I was able to list with ease at three in the morning and then list again hours later when I write this. Some of these I have learned to love. Some of these I am still learning to love. But you know what, they're all things about my body that bother me, and they all fit into the concept of body acceptance! So, in my new, upcoming series, BAM! (Body Acceptance Movement!), I have decided to focus on a different body part of body concept. Because, well, hopefully we all at least have skin and bones. And maybe as I focus on loving every inch of my own body, I can help my readers focus on loving every inch of theirs, even if they are the polar opposite of me.