Body Acceptance: What it's REALLY about

For the past year (or 11 months, if we're getting technical) an article has been sweeping the internet, and probably your facebook feed, about one blogger's "6 Things [She Doesn't] Understand About the Body Acceptance Movement." If you really haven't read it - just google the words I put in quotes and check it out, because I refuse to put a link to that in my blog. If you can't tell yet, I am a big advocate of body acceptance, which should NEVER be retitled as "Fat Acceptance," because, despite what the haters want you to believe, it's NOT about fat! I am a moderator of a few plus sized forums on Reddit. I write this blog. It is the ONE "controversial" topic I will comment on on friends' pages.  So, and I can't believe I'm doing this, here I am in all my plus sized glory, in a BIKINI, and I was SO excited to put it on for the first time.

Instead of directly replying to the previously mentioned blog post, I am going to write a post about the TRUTH of the body acceptance movement for someone who actually has experienced the benefits of it. Because I used to hate myself because of my body. I let my appearance dictate my happiness, and that is wrong.

SO LET'S START: Body acceptance is NOT a physical health movement. It is, in no way, Healthy At Every Size (HAES) or saying that everyone in the world is healthy. Body acceptance is a MENTAL health movement! Let's face it, our waist lines are growing due to various reasons, which, honestly, I'm not sure anyone is 100% sure about. Because, let's be honest, there's a new fad diet being introduced every other day about a new food that will make you lose weight and the number one food that makes you gain weight. There are diets that let you eat as much fatty bacon as you want as long as you avoid carbs. There are diets that say you should avoid ALL SUGARS, including those found in fruits. There is probably a diet that says a stick of butter a day is fine as long as you don't eat any meat. I don't know - I'm not a dietician.

Body Acceptance is about happiness! Body Acceptance is the ability to look in the mirror and say "this is what I look like right now, and that's ok." Body Acceptance is the ability to be well over 200 pounds in weight and feel comfortable enough to wear a bikini or a dress or whatever you feel comfortable in! Body Acceptance is a step AWAY from the concept that your appearance, whether it be your waistline or your overly bushy eyebrows or your imperfect nose or that awkward birth mark, does NOT dictate your happiness for life. Body Acceptance is the realization that everyone can be beautiful to someone, and if I'm not you're type of beauty, then THAT'S OK!

The fact of the matter is, people try to say that the Body Acceptance Movement (we should call it BAM! - doesn't that sound exciting?) is an excuse for being unhealthy. IT IS NOT. I would like to say right here and right now that health is NO ONE'S business except yours and your doctor's! Got it? It's not your right to go to Joe Schmoe on the street and discuss how his weight or appearance means he's unhealthy. The same way you shouldn't verbally abuse a stranger smoking a cigarette on the street because it's unhealthy. The same way you can't tell a college student on his 21st birthday the dangers of drinking in the long term. It's NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

You can be a member of Body Acceptance and be trying to lose weight! That's totally fine! Basically, that person is saying "I love how I look now, and if I do this, I may look different, but I'll love that just as much!" Body Acceptance is a way of saying that we shouldn't dictate our lives around appearance, we should dictate them around health. If your doctor *who you chose and you trust, not just any doctor* says that you need to change something, then "Sorry, I am a Body Acceptance Advocate" is not the correct answer. Because, just because your doctor tells you to lower your carb or sodium intake doesn't even guarantee that you'll lose weight.

Fun story: Cholesterol, Heart Problems, even Diabetes? They don't discriminate based on weight. I am very close with people who are very thin but have high blood pressure or diabetes or high cholesterol. And when they made the changes to fix these, their blood pressure or cholesterol levels went down, not their waist lines!

Body Acceptance is about being able to go out into the world with a smile on your face, even if you didn't get a chance to do your make up today or your hair isn't cooperating! It's about SO MUCH MORE than the size of your body. It's about the fact that I have man wrists. My wrists have no fat on them but they're so big that I have to wear male watches because the petite female versions just don't work. AND IT'S OK! It's the fact that a young lady is balding and you can see parts of her scalp, but SHE'S STILL BEAUTIFUL! It's the fact that this teenage boy cannot bulk up for the life of him, but remains skinny and "scrawny", AND IT'S OK!!! And yeah, it is about that plus sized girl who cries whenever her father tells her that she is too fat for her own good, because SHE CAN STILL BE HAPPY! SHE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY!

So please, quit trying to make body acceptance into something it's not. It is NOT an excuse, fat promoting, skinny shaming, eat whatever you want and sit on the couch all day. It's not even saying "oh, you're not fat" to your plus sized friend. NEWS FLASH: I know I'm fat and I am fine with it. It's just not. It IS about happiness despite what cards you were dealt in the physical department. And remember, if you've never been overweight, or underweight, then you can't judge.  The struggles of weight loss or weight gain are REAL and still very misunderstood. You never know the story behind someone. Just because a person is still over 200 pounds doesn't mean they haven't already lost 50. Just because a person is thin doesn't mean they're anorexic! And shaming someone one way or the other does NOT encourage them to change, it will probably make them worse actually.

Body Acceptance is about only one thing. Remembering that we are ALL people and that we all have a history and no one knows the complete history of anyone else. Not even my mom knows my whole history! If you aren't someone's doctor, then it's not your place to comment. Ever. Period. Just go back to kindergarten and the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. Make your world one of happiness, and spread it into the lives of others. Because, while you can change your body, you CAN'T change who you are or how people perceive you, and a bitch is still a bitch, no matter how pretty (or ugly) she may be.

Fat and Fearless: Running

We fat people, we know why we're fat.  We know that there are ways to lose weight. Sometimes we don't want to, sometimes we're too lazy, and sometimes we're scared. Why would we be scared? Well, there's one undeniable fact. Fat shamers both want fat people to run and not to run, simultaneously.  They hate that we're fat, so OF COURSE they want us to run. Why the hell wouldn't they? But then, when we run, we burn their eyes with our bouncing blubber and their children are subjected to our flying flab!  Too many times have I seen letters online from "concerned neighbors" that someone would run, or even do yard work, in public while being overweight.

I have surpassed all of these and began the C25K app from Active.com.  Today I completed Week 4 Day 2. This day includes a 5 minute walking warm up, run for 3 minutes, walk 1.5, run 5 minutes, walk 2.5, run 3, walk 1.5, run 5, cool down for 5.  Despite the pain, the struggles, the torture, I kept going. At times, I yelled at myself not to stop, because I'm a stubborn fat lady, and verbally encouraged myself to keep going!

Before Pic, don't I look excited?

I run in the morning. It's required to beat the Texas heat.  If I don't get out before noon, I don't get out. Today, I even ran in the pouring rain!  Rain ain't gonna stop be!  I am so determined, I will do my run unless it's literally unsafe!  I run with running shoes purchased from the local running store, where they recorded and checked out my gait and then got them specialized to my feet.  My clothes are cheap and loose, as they should be. An awesome sweatband from Target.  I also run with my music and C25K app on my phone, which goes into this coolio pocket thing I bought from the local nicknack shop. Essentially it clips on my sweatpants and acts as a pocket, but is a lot cooler than a frisbee lol.

My C25K music playlist can be found here:: C25K Playlist.  I feel the key to running while fat, or thin, or out of shape, or a body builder is confidence.  I run outside because my severe motion sickness makes me ill on a treadmill.  Every time a car passes me, I look up. I attempt to make eye contact with the driver. I smile and wave. EVERY TIME! Sometimes they ignore me, but the very very few times I get a wave, it makes me do better, it makes me work harder.

I know where the dogs on my run live. Don't worry, they're all contained in fences. But you know what a barking dog can easily sound like?  A cheering crowd. That's right, those dogs aren't barking because you're too close to they're house. They're cheering for you! They want you to succeed! Smile at those dogs. Give them a thumbs up or a little "raise the roof" and keep running.  Their barks will follow you for quite a while, which will keep you running.

With C25K, they use time limits. However, my phone is in my pocket, and time is hard to judge when you're huffing and puffing and in pain. So, when I think I'm going to be needing to quit, I look up. I make a visual goal. That car, that sign post, that bush. It can be anything. When I reach it, I reassess.  Everytime, I know I can keep going until I'm told to walk. So I look up and find another visual point.  Moments after my run, I forget the struggles and the pain and feel nothing but pride

After Pic. Look at that smile, that pride... that sweat...

If you've been thinking about taking up running, do it! Now! Pay those $2 for the Active.com App (no, they have no idea I'm endorsing this).  Those $2 may be enough to make you want to not waste your money!  IF you need a good community, try Reddit, it's free, they're so helpful! They want you to succeed too!  And no matter what, have NO FEAR!

Next week I'll be running through Paris. I will be on vacation. I will be the fat girl huffing and puffing through the streets of Paris. And I will do it! Wish my luck!

Is Being Plus Sized the "Norm"?

So I'm chatting on Tinder with this guy. Don't hate me. I'm single and I need to do some sort of online dating to keep my sanity. The man I'm chatting with is a VERY nice man, a few years older than me, with his life together. Quite the refresher in the online dating world. He asked about my hobbies, and I mentioned this blog. He asked what I blog about. I said the main theme is being a plus sized woman in an average world. His response? "You live in America, being plus-sized is becoming the norm." So I asked why I was still persecuted for being plus sized?  And that inspired this blog post.


I live in America. The U S of A. The land of the free and home of the brave. And the hot dog. And the hamburger. And fast food. And processed foods. And high fructose corn syrup. No wonder more people in our country are considered "overweight" than "normal" weight. (However, I have some STRONG words about the BMI system that will be saved for another time).

However, I AM still persecuted for being plus sized. I am a size 16-22 depending on the brand, but really an 18/20 on most days. When I go to a store, these sizes are SOLD OUT! It is impossible to find clothes in my size because so many other women need clothes in my size. And that's when they have a decent plus sized section. Let me tell you how much I LOVE walking into Kohls and the Plus Sized section is one-tenth of the size of the rest of the "Ladies" section. For one, why do we need our own section of all?! Why cant we just be at the back of the regular racks? Is it really so hard to add a few more sizes?  But why is our section so small when so many people need to shop there?! 

And then the clothes themselves. Overpriced, I get it, they're using more fabric, not THAT much more fabric. And then, if you're going to use all that extra fabric, could you PLEASE be so kind as to make it shaped at all in stead of the baggy tents that we're being forced to wear?!  We have curves, more than a lot of the thinner ladies that you're obsessively designing for, so could you perhaps accentuate them a bit? Let us show off the figures that we DO have!

Of course, those are just the stores that have clothes for us. Do you know how painful it is to walk into a store and ask "Do you have clothes for me?" and then to be looked up and down by some random cashier and told "No." Sometimes with a scoff as if I'm stupid for even asking. It's even more painful to know how hardened I've become to that situation, that I'm used to it and it's just a part of life now.

On dating sites, I get looked over because I honestly mark "overweight". Not "could lose a few" or "a little extra". "Overweight". People look at me and assume I'm lazy and lack self control because I've been overweight my whole life. In fact, many people still think "fat shaming" is an acceptable way to encourage weight loss. Healthful food is too expensive for most people to afford, as well as many gym memberships, and ESPECIALLY personal trainers. Doctors ignore my blood tests and the facts about my health to tell me "I'm overweight and unhealthy" simply based on the number of my weight and the way I look. I am healthier than many thin people, and my slow metabolism shouldn't be a factor in that. And no way in HELL am I giving up bread to look your brand of "ideal".

It has been proved that overweight people will be looked over for jobs. AS a musician, I KNOW I am judged while I am up on stage. I had a flute teacher who I was doing a trial lesson with mention my weight. It was terrible. I have worked my whole life to be comfortable with my weight. My family has teased me my whole life. I was overweight as a child. My family called me ugly. I was told no self-respecting man would ever have romantic feelings for me.

So, is being plus sized now the norm in America? Statistically, YES. However, that doesn't mean that overweight people are treated the same way as anyone else.  They're still judged. People are still undereducated about the reason for fatness, overweightness, or obesity. They also don't realize how hard it is to LOSE the weight. I am happy with my body. Let it be known. But I'm always on a quest to BETTER myself, and my body. I have started C25K and I'm eating better. And I've lost very few pound. But I'm healthy. I'm hot. That's what matters. It could take me YEARS to lose weight, and I'll never be a size 0. But no one knows or cares about that. They care how I look now. And THAT is why I'm persecuted for being plus sized.

What do you think? Is being overweight the norm in today's world? Are people becoming accepting of it? Or are overweight people persecuted? Should overweight be accepted like everyone else?!