Fat and Fearless: Waterparks!

With my recent move to San Antonio and the addition of a career that actually pays money, I wanted to treat myself to a mini-vacation. So off to Schlitterbahn New Braunfels I went! The weather was PERFECT for a waterpark, and I had a fatkini that had barely even been worn. Of course I was nervous! Fat people don't belong at water parks according to the general public, ESPECIALLY in bikinis. With my boyfriend being bigger as well, I spent hours googling information about weight limits. Only one ride had a weight limit, I was just in it, and my boyfriend's back injury would prevent him from going on it anyway. There was nothing at the waterpark that was preventing us from going.

When my boyfriend took my "before" picture, I felt gorgeous! I was rocking my bikini, I was feeling confident, and I was excited to have fun. And funnily enough, THIS FEELING DIDN'T CHANGE. I knew I was going to write this blog post and so I was really aware. I looked at people. As I passed them. As I stood in line. I made the distinct effort to observe those around me. Not ONE person gave me a dirty look. When I got in line for the only ride with a weight limit, I wasn't questioned, not once. No on called me fat or made Seaworld references. I even had conversations with various people, and they treated me LIKE A PERSON!

Thanks to the DryPak, I was able to take my phone on rides with me for even better selfies!

It wasn't until day two that I received ANY comment about my appearance. It was from two naturally dark-skinned people asking if I remembered sunscreen. Of course I did! I mean, I put it on, mutiple times! But yes, the ONLY comment about how I looked was my ridiculous paleness, not about my fat. When I went down rides, everything jiggled. People I passed had a beautiful view of my buldging stomach, my flabby arms, and my overly junk-filled trunk. Did some of them look at me and see a fat girl? Probably. Do I think people may have said in whispers that I shouldn't be wearing a bikini? Absolutely! Do I care? NOT A DARNED BIT! I had the time of my life. I focussed on the rides. On the fun. I wore my bikini with pride. I mean, it really showed off my figured. I teased the niece and the nephew of my boyfriend, who came along with us. I went out of my way to kiss my even bigger boyfriend in public, to embarass the niece. And even at his grandeur size, no one said anything to him. All we did was have fun!

OK, but maybe my stomach wasn't QUITE ready for the advancement in body acceptance. I am regretting the weekend just a bit, but only because I am in immense amounts of pain from a sunburn. Oh, and I just posted a pretty awesome video on YouTube of me riding a waterslide. You know you want to watch it! Do so HERE

Post a comment! What's your biggest fear of being a fatty at a waterpark, or what's your biggest accomplishment as such? Any lifehacks for waterparks?

This BIG Girl Made a BIG Move to the BIG City!

Hello readers! I am so sorry I haven't posted in, well, a really long time, but my life has been so busy with changes, blogging just wasn't possible. Don't worry though, I have TONS of great ideas for my blog featuring recipes, body positivity, and of course some amazing Fat and Fearless posts (including Water Parks and Online Dating! Be excited!)

Since my last post back in APRIL, a lot has changed. When I wrote that post, I was working at Walgreens full time and feeling clueless about my future. Until I got the call that would change everything. The call of a job offer. In my dream field. For a career job. In San Antonio, TX.  And I had two weeks until I started.

Now, while I was only living 2 hours from SAT, I had a LOT to do. Getting a moving truck. Packing. Giving my two weeks notice. Saving money (because moving costs a LOT of money). Making arrangements to get my two kitties to San Antonio (I'm a Crazy Cat Lady and I am NOT ashamed!). Finding an apartment! (Sidebar: I would like to say how much I love the idea of an Apartment Finder. Mine was AMAZING! He video chatted me the weekend before I moved down to tour some apartments and helped me get settled. If you move to San Antonio and need a realtor, ask me and I'll give you his info). Moving in! All this in two weeks.

Surprisingly I was successful. I am thoroughly settled in now. Settled into my apartment. Settled into my job (which is everything I dreamed of and more). And, most importantly, settled into the 7th biggest city in the nation. Which is a pretty big accomplishment for a girl from a town of 50,000 in Idaho who only used highways to get from one city to another. Now I take highways everywhere. Hell, the entrance to my home is on a highway!

So, from San Antonio, Texas, thanks for reading! I'm so excited to continue my life and share my message of beauty and confidence with the world! I work with youth, and mentioned my body acceptance ideals to some of the teenage girls and one girl said "I wish I had the same mindset you did." I hope I can make a difference in her life, and in the lives of girls her age, and maybe, just maybe, in your life as well!  Oh - and saving all the kitties. Because, ya know... kitties.

Fat and Fearless: Airplane Travel

So I disappeared for a bit because grad school devours the soul from your life. However, it is Christmas break. This not only means a break from homework and the time to blog, but also time to travel. The concept of fat people on planes has often been a hot topic on the internet. It seems there is a monthly thread on Reddit for fat shaming bigger passengers. It seems that fellow flyers constantly look at overweight people as smelly, lazy, space-imposing burdens. I'm hoping to help alleviate this thought process right now.

As a frequent flyer, the ignorance of many people in these threads or conversations is sickening. Here's a bit of background on me. I fly, on a slow year, over 15,000 miles annually. On a high year I have been known to reach a total of 50,000 miles. I often venture overseas. I am definitely comfortable with traveling, and am constantly trying to improve my comfort while being thrust in the air a mile above sea level in a metal tin full of strangers.

For size, I am anywhere from a size 18 to a size 22, averaging at a size 20, or 2X in ladies. In inches, while standing nude, my hip circumference is approximately 52 inches. My thighs are around 16 inches a piece, so I guess around 32 together. My hips are the widest part of my body as I maintain a somewhat pear-shaped hourglass figure. To give a slightly more average point of view, I will use the opinion of my size 12-14 mother.

First, lets talk about seats, actually, that's really about all we'll be talking about today. Specifically, where to sit.  Nowadays, planes offer some seats near the front that have about 4-6 inches of extra legroom and recline a little further. These often cost about 10% more of your plane ticket cost (for example, on most domestic American Airlines flights, they are $24). Please note, these offer no extra space in leg room, so if you're nice and short like me, they are useless.

As a plus-sized passenger, I have learned through years of trial and error that the best place to sit is the aisle seat.  Even with my wider hips, I fit in a seat with both armrests down. However, it is a tight fit, and even my mother hates the arm rests. Below, I'm going to add two pictures of myself squooshed into these seats. This is where the fearless part of this segment comes into play.

If possible, fly with a friend or family member who doesn't mind bumping hips. This way you can keep the armrest up and not worry about it. However, to avoid bothering them, always book an aisle seat! On many domestic aircraft (and some international), the aisle armrest will lift with the trigger of a little latch on the underside! This means that you can leave your armrest down between you and the other passenger and allow your pleasantly plump self to spill out into the aisle.  Even if it doesn't lift, you can lean into the aisle a bit (keeping a constant eye out for flight attendants with beverage carts) to avoid taking up the space of your seatmate.

Windows seem to be the place where everyone wants to sit, so many of you may be discouraged by this aisle suggestion. I fail to understand this obsession with window seats. First of all, the armrests there DO NOT lift. Even if they did, you're right next to a wall, so leaning space is limited. There is nothing to see out the window. You are so high up, you're above the clouds, and while this can be pretty at times, it also can get monotonous. Finally, the windows are not insulated and this means less climate control. During the winter and at night, windows are FREEZING, and in the summer, you'll be begging for more air than the little fan can allow you. Just, give up the window. And for the love of all that is holy, do not sit in the middle. All that does is bother two other passengers rather than one, and you can't lean, at all.

Try to board as early as possible. Some flights allow you to upgrade to "Group 1" (which boards immediately after first class and loyalty program customers) for ten bucks. Not only does this usually guarantee you space in the overhead bin (I always check my luggage and then use my overhead space for my laptop), but it also lets you sit early. First thing, lift the armrest between you and the passenger next to you. They hopefully shouldn't be on yet. If the decide to lower it, or ask, then say yes with a smile and don't fight. However, just starting with it up may let them see that you need a little extra room. Additionally, take this time to fiddle with the aisle armrest and see if it works.

Once you've dealt with armrests, buckle your seatbelt. It doesn't matter if the rest of your row is there or not, as you'll not keep it buckled. However, do not wait til the last minute to learn that your seatbelt will not buckle, or will buckle very uncomfortably! Sit down. Buckle. If it doesn't work, hit your flight attendant button immediately and kindly ask for an extension. Great news! They aren't going to judge you. I have been so ashamed so many times to ask for this, and they are always so kind about it. In my experience, international flights have smaller seatbelts than domestic (no idea why) and American is the best with seat belt width, followed by United with Delta in the rear. Sorry, these are the only airlines I have flown religiously.

Ok, so you don't think any of these hints will work for you and you just want to buy an extra seat and take up all the room you want. Many times I have said that I wish there were a few rows with seats slightly wider (like they do with the  taller seats mentioned previously) for a nominal fee more. Many people like to respond with "They have this! It's called business class/first class." Ok, first off, first class often costs AT LEAST three times more than coach per seat. If you want two seats, don't go to business class as you'll end up paying more than the cost for just two seats. Additionally, the seats up there are not much wider. There is more room between you and the person next to you, they have much more leg room, and they recline much further, but extra hip room? Not so much.

If you are going to buy two seats, utilize that service to its fullest! Two tickets means you get TWO spaces in the overhead bin and two spaces under the seats in front of you. You paid for it, so utilize that double carry-on capacity. Ask for an extra drink or extra snacks. Spread out shamelessly. Do NOT let someone think its just an empty seat and they can sit there or sit their kid there. PROTECT YOUR SEAT - you paid for it.

Finally, be kind to your flight attendants. Their job is HARD - and they don't work on tips. They wear heels and skirts and have to stay up and sit in even more uncomfortable seats. Smile at them, thank them, apologize to them. If someone complains about your size, they'll complain to the flight attendant, and if you're already on her good side, she'll defend you! Happy travels, my fat and fearless friends! Love your body!

Plus Sized in Paris

I hope my amazing readers can excuse my lack of posting for a few weeks. I was on vacation and decided to take my vacation to its fullest, and that included no blog posting. However, this vacation inspired an amazing blog post.

While on vacation, I spent a week in Paris. Of course, I was self-conscious on the plane there.  Paris, land of thin people and supermodels. Paris, land of women who can eat bread non stop and four-course meals without gaining a pound.  I'm not kidding, I got eaten under the table by multiple super thin Parisian women.  These ladies have the metabolism of Gods, or something.  So of course, I was a little intimidated
 

Obligatory Eiffel Tower Selfie

However, I found something interesting.  I was a sort of hot commodity in Paris. Me, with my size 20 hips, pudgy belly, and cellulite ridden thighs and booty.  However, whenever I made eye contact with a man, he maintained it.  When I gave him a smile, he smiled back.  And, when I noticed this trend, and gave a flirty wink or raise of eyebrows, he returned it and occasionally approached me.  My first night, while getting a crepe at the creperie across the street from my hotel, I had a gentleman lean out his window and beckon me up to his apartment for some, relations.  He was jokingly referred to as my "boyfriend" for the duration of the trip.

Now, you could easily say these men were being friendly. Or maybe they were thrown off by a lady making eye contact. Or maybe they were being rude or sarcastic.  I don't care what you have to say, I saw what I though. I was actually attractive to these men.  Perhaps I was exotic. My well-proportioned curves at a thicker ration was new to these men, surrounded by women who belong on the runway.

I'm not saying I was the only fat person there. I'm saying that I was special.  And dammit, it boosted my self confidence more than ever.  Once, while walking down the street, a man stopped me and said "My God, you are beautiful."  I said thank you with eyebrows raised in shock, and then continued on my way.  I have walked tall ever since.  So half the guys in America are shallow freaks who won't give me two looks.  I am attractive, to some men, even if they're in Paris.  It's ok, I prefer a man with an accent anyway ;).  

Is Being Plus Sized the "Norm"?

So I'm chatting on Tinder with this guy. Don't hate me. I'm single and I need to do some sort of online dating to keep my sanity. The man I'm chatting with is a VERY nice man, a few years older than me, with his life together. Quite the refresher in the online dating world. He asked about my hobbies, and I mentioned this blog. He asked what I blog about. I said the main theme is being a plus sized woman in an average world. His response? "You live in America, being plus-sized is becoming the norm." So I asked why I was still persecuted for being plus sized?  And that inspired this blog post.


I live in America. The U S of A. The land of the free and home of the brave. And the hot dog. And the hamburger. And fast food. And processed foods. And high fructose corn syrup. No wonder more people in our country are considered "overweight" than "normal" weight. (However, I have some STRONG words about the BMI system that will be saved for another time).

However, I AM still persecuted for being plus sized. I am a size 16-22 depending on the brand, but really an 18/20 on most days. When I go to a store, these sizes are SOLD OUT! It is impossible to find clothes in my size because so many other women need clothes in my size. And that's when they have a decent plus sized section. Let me tell you how much I LOVE walking into Kohls and the Plus Sized section is one-tenth of the size of the rest of the "Ladies" section. For one, why do we need our own section of all?! Why cant we just be at the back of the regular racks? Is it really so hard to add a few more sizes?  But why is our section so small when so many people need to shop there?! 

And then the clothes themselves. Overpriced, I get it, they're using more fabric, not THAT much more fabric. And then, if you're going to use all that extra fabric, could you PLEASE be so kind as to make it shaped at all in stead of the baggy tents that we're being forced to wear?!  We have curves, more than a lot of the thinner ladies that you're obsessively designing for, so could you perhaps accentuate them a bit? Let us show off the figures that we DO have!

Of course, those are just the stores that have clothes for us. Do you know how painful it is to walk into a store and ask "Do you have clothes for me?" and then to be looked up and down by some random cashier and told "No." Sometimes with a scoff as if I'm stupid for even asking. It's even more painful to know how hardened I've become to that situation, that I'm used to it and it's just a part of life now.

On dating sites, I get looked over because I honestly mark "overweight". Not "could lose a few" or "a little extra". "Overweight". People look at me and assume I'm lazy and lack self control because I've been overweight my whole life. In fact, many people still think "fat shaming" is an acceptable way to encourage weight loss. Healthful food is too expensive for most people to afford, as well as many gym memberships, and ESPECIALLY personal trainers. Doctors ignore my blood tests and the facts about my health to tell me "I'm overweight and unhealthy" simply based on the number of my weight and the way I look. I am healthier than many thin people, and my slow metabolism shouldn't be a factor in that. And no way in HELL am I giving up bread to look your brand of "ideal".

It has been proved that overweight people will be looked over for jobs. AS a musician, I KNOW I am judged while I am up on stage. I had a flute teacher who I was doing a trial lesson with mention my weight. It was terrible. I have worked my whole life to be comfortable with my weight. My family has teased me my whole life. I was overweight as a child. My family called me ugly. I was told no self-respecting man would ever have romantic feelings for me.

So, is being plus sized now the norm in America? Statistically, YES. However, that doesn't mean that overweight people are treated the same way as anyone else.  They're still judged. People are still undereducated about the reason for fatness, overweightness, or obesity. They also don't realize how hard it is to LOSE the weight. I am happy with my body. Let it be known. But I'm always on a quest to BETTER myself, and my body. I have started C25K and I'm eating better. And I've lost very few pound. But I'm healthy. I'm hot. That's what matters. It could take me YEARS to lose weight, and I'll never be a size 0. But no one knows or cares about that. They care how I look now. And THAT is why I'm persecuted for being plus sized.

What do you think? Is being overweight the norm in today's world? Are people becoming accepting of it? Or are overweight people persecuted? Should overweight be accepted like everyone else?!

Fat and Fearless: At the Hair Salon

OK ladies, despite our size we all love and yet, secretly DREAD, the hairdresser.  Just one mistake could give us a brand new look, and change is not always good. And if we're actually looking for a different style, well forget about it! We will have to pick through thousands of photos of various women in various cuts, finding one we like and can fit into our daily routine, and then PRAYING that it will look just as good on us as it did on the model, and that our hairdresser can give us an identical cut.

First off, I'm pretty sure that hair salons buy the worst mirrors in existence. I promise I ALWAYS look fatter in the mirrors there than anywhere else. Really, I gain a good twenty pounds in those mirrors, every single time.  Then they put a towel around your neck, and a cape around that towel, pushing all neck flab right up into your chin. Then they wet your hair down and, if you're like me, you look like a drowned rat.  And to go with the fearless part of this post, here is a picture of me in the chair, looking magnificently terrible through this mirror!

Ugh, gross. At least I managed a smile in that picture.  Now I have a few suggestions for making it through the hairdresser fearlessly at any size!  First of all, remember it is JUST HAIR!  It will grow back. If it looks absolutely terrible (which I doubt it will) you can wear a hat, or have an excuse to buy a super sexy wig, or anything! But be daring! It's just hair! It will grow out!  Take a chance!

Remember, your hair dresser has been doing this for years (hopefully) and has a trustworthy opinion.  Straight up ask her what she thinks!  Don't be afraid to be up front.  I have no problem with my size. I'll talk to my stylist and say "I know that I'm chubby, I know that I have a bit of a double chin, do you think this style would work with my face shape?"  For me, I have fine fine fine hair. "I know I have fine hair, do you think it would hold this style?"  Be honest in your questions and you'll get honest answers.  I've been told I don't have the forehead to go without bangs. I wasn't offended, because I've always agreed with that. I keep the "baby doll" bangs because they look good on me. My face allows for shorter cuts, which is good, because the fineness of my hair means I can't grow it much past my shoulders without looking raggedy.

And, even though you stare at yourself in that horrendous mirror and feel gross and self-conscious the entire time you're there, the outcome is always great.  Be sure to ask your stylist to walk you through what she's doing while styling your hair, so the day you get your hair done isn't the only day it looks the way it should!  Be fearless, make it worth it!

Fat and Fearless: Photos

Welcome to another recurring blog series! This one I'm REALLY excited about, I'm calling it Fat and Fearless.  You can be offended all you want by the word "fat" but that's what makes me Plus Sized. It's not bones, it's not muscle, it's not personality, it's fat. I don't have a problem with it, it's soft and squishy and makes me fun to cuddle with. And I'm happy. But a lot of people aren't. To a lot of people, extra fat encourages fear in various situations. But I think we should all feel comfortable to be Fat and Fearless - no matter the situation.  Fearless means living your life happily, and not worrying about a little pudge!!

One of the most common fear-inducing moments with that extra fat comes to being photographed.  We let our concerns about how we look prevent us from documenting the happy moments in our lives. Surrounded by friends, laughing, smiling, and we're busy thinking about how our hips are a little wide! Are you KIDDING ME?!  And I used to be one of those people!

The worst part? As I looked back on those photos, I didn't see the happiness. I didn't focus on the memories. I focused on what I saw as flaws. That damn double chin as I look down at my newborn niece. That stupid underarm flab as I raise my arms in joy.  How big I look as I give my best girlfriend (who is very thin) one last hug goodbye.  How date I let these pictures ruin my memories?!

This is me meeting the AMAZING Stephanie J. Block. I HATED this pic because of how I looked, and I forgot that I was meeting a Broadway Celeb and one of my idols!

Lately, however, I've found myself beautiful. It started with learning how to take pictures of my self, yes, the infamous selfies, at an angle I found appealing. 

The pic where it all began

 I hated my double chin, so I started taking pics of myself at an angle above, so I hid the extra neck rolls. This let me examine what elements I DID like of myself. Despite some neck flab, I have a pronounced chin. My eyes are gorgeous. I have pretty cute little lips!  I also had friends take pictures of me, so I knew I wasn't being pias

Photographed by one of my friends

Hey look, I don't look terrible! I look mysterious. My arms don't even look that fat. I actually really love this picture of me! I think it would work to post on a dating site!  So then I moved to pics that encompassed more of my body...

A full body shot, please don't mind the messy mirror

 HOLY SMOKES! Look at me! I'm not wearing makeup, my hear isn't done, and I'm getting ready to go on a run. And all I see is happiness and a pretty girl. I don't see a flabby belly. I don't even see my pudgy fingers. I see a girl who thought it was fun to wear a sparkly bow when I couldn't find a sweat rag for a run!  Soon the pictures came naturally. It didn't matter if I was wearing makeup or not, it mattered what I wanted to show off

Bought a big bow in a store in Ireland

 The above pic? No Make up. My hair wasn't done. I was staying in a HOSTEL!  And yet, I love it, because I see the joy in my eyes. Next, it didn't even matter if I had FOOD in the picture! Hell, I love food, it gives joy and memories. But before, I feared food in a pic meant people would see more flaws and more fat in my pictures...

ZOMG CREPE! - and I really love my face in this pic.

The streets of Galway, I found a Nutella Crepe, one of my favorite foods ever.  You better believe I was documenting it!  And now? Anyone can take a pic of me in any situation for any reason! I will quit looking at the messy hair or the cankles. I'll focus on the beauty of the MEMORY!!!